It came to visit me these days, 

the homesickness. It's not that kind of deep depressing homesickness, more of a little longing and missing, and the insight of how much I value the people in my life back home. You know, those moments in between the excitement and fun stuff when you feel a bit alone and you just want to go grab a coffee with that person that happens to be some thousands of miles away (5803 miles to be exact). Or maybe your'e just tired of everything being new and different and you just want to be at home, taking the dog for a walk or something (just guessing). But there are some things that one can do to make it easier. Here are some stuff you can try if homesickness suddenly strikes:

Write letters -Handwritten letters or postcards to friends, family or other loved ones. It is somehow much more satisfactory than writing an email, and the persons will most probably be surprised and happy to get a letter in the mail. It is fun to look for the postcard that you think suite the person you have in mind, and really think of what you want to put on that paper, especially if it is a postcard -you don't have that much space (and no delete button). 

Listen to music -The eternal lifesaver, listen to whatever you feel like, sad or happy music. Nothing fills the emptiness like music does. Put on those favorite songs and sing along. This song made me cheer up and smile this time, it also gives me that home feeling since it's a band from Gothenburg that I started listening to many years ago:  https://soundcloud.com/musicmusicmusicjazztrio/buen-sabor 
Maybe it can cheer you up as well. 

Do some exercise -It is scientifically proven, it's really good for you, both mentally and physically. Dance or take a walk or put your body in motion somehow. It will put your brain at ease and your thoughts to rest and you will feel more relaxed. 

Yoga -Some stretching, some deep breathing, maybe some balance exercise and some strength. Get connected to your body for a while. Same as above really, but still worth mentioning. 

Skype or facebook -What a luxury it is being able to talk online with the people on the other side of the world. Helped me lots of times, but be aware, do not use this too much. It can have the opposite effect. 

Read -Also a good way to put your thoughts on something else, letting your mind focus on another story.

Anyway thats what I do when I feel a bit down, hope it can help you out! 

 

A week dedicated to the International womens day part 2

The day after the emotionally exhausting but extremely important day of femicides, it was time for a manifestation and a march through Tegucigalpa. 
We gathered early in the morning outside of the National Agrarian Institute. There were women arriving from all directions of Honduras, the garifunas from the north, the lencas from the occident, the peasants and the women from the cities. The women peasant movement were having a manifestation outside of the institute, calling for the right to own their land and to cultivate their crops. They had brought different vegetables, machetes and were throwing corn grains, waiving their hats in the air. Their voices were full of determination and anger, demanding attention. 

After their manifestation was finished, we started walking towards the precidential house. We were around 400 persons participating in the march; mothers with their babies, old ladies, teenagers, husbands and brothers. We were shouting chants, waiving placards and holding banners, some were spraying demands and slogans on the walls. 
When we were getting close to the precidential house, outside of the Marriot hotel the police and the army had put up fences and were standing behind them all geared up, shutting off the way to the house. They had decided that we were not going to get to the precidential house. We gathered around the fence, protesting and trying to convince them to let us pass. But they didn't cave into our demands. I know that it is a bit risky being a foreign person in that kind of situation. Confrontations with the police and the army can many times end up in violent situations and I was afraid they would take posession of my camera. But this time, they kept calm, although taking pictures right back at us with their iphones. We then decided to continue walking towards the end goal, the Public Ministery. 

It was at least 35 degrees in the shadow and the sun burned ruthlessly, I felt like I was going to get sunstruck. We walked and walked chanting and shouting until we finally arrived at the Ministery. There the feminist witches started making a potion and performed some witchcraft on the members of the government. A lenca woman also sang and played the guitarr and there were speaches held towards the government. After this, the demonstration was over and we returned to the office. This was a great experience, seeing all the women marching together raising their voices against the injustices. It was extra great to know that women all around the world were doing the same thing that day. We also had a good amount of newspapers and other media covering our march.

 

 

 

 

 

A week dedicated to the International Women's Day

Two weeks ago we had a week dedicaded to feminist activities due to the International Womens Day. It started off with a press conference on monday, where the CEM-H gave their political positioning in the context of the International Women's Day, presented their coming activities and topics that would be discussed.

My compañeras (and role models) from CEM-H in the press conference

On Thursday we had organized a big forum with the heavy topic of femicides. There were representatives from different women and feminist organizations from El Salvador and Guatemala sharing their experiences concerning femicides, there were also participants from the Observatory of Violence showing statistics of killings and femicides across the country (that did not coincide with the numbers from the police). There were women who shared their own personal experiences, close relatives to women that had been killed by their exboyfriends and women who were seriously assaulted because of their sex. A lawyer held a presentation of the juridical obstacles for the victims of violence and femicides. The day was full of interesting but also devastating facts and testimonials. 

Every day, two women are being killed in Honduras, the main procent of the assasinated are between 15-19 years old. Allthough the general number of murders in the country are slightly reduced (but still very high), the numbers of femicidios have increased. And the impunity for these murders is extremely high, 97% of the killings have not been correctly investigated. The governmental support for the victims and relatives of killed women is close to nonexistant. 
The reality is brutal, female lifes does not seem to matter that much. Many blame the murdered girls and women for being murdered. "They put themselves in these dangerous situations". There seems to be a structural misogyny in the society. The problem lies deep in the heart of the society, in terms of attitudes and ideas of gender. The phenomenon of violence against women is normalized.

Sometimes I feel a wawe of helplessness crashing over me, there is so many fundamental things to fight for here. And some things seem to go backwards instead of developing in the right derection. But then I look around me and I feel ashamed, how can I feel like giving up so easily? Giving up is not an option for the women here. The only option is to continue fighting, no matter how many obstacles and injustices that come in your way. There is a lot of wrath, a sence of extreme injustice, sorrow and pain among these women, but they convert it into a great strength. A strength that they always will carry with them in the struggle for change, for the lifes of the women of Honduras.

 

 

Morning

I just woke up. The sound of salsa slips through the windows into my room, someone sings along, a dog is barking, the birds are singing and I can hear people selling fruit on the streets. I love the mornings here, it is still fresh from the night and the sun is just warming up and not yet burning the skin. There is a lot of life, colors, sounds and smells. Every day here I wake up in a good mood, you never know what will happen. I know this sounds really cheesy but thats just the way it is. 

Yesterday was my birthday, and in the evening we got into Juan Carlos car and drove to Santa Lucia to have dinner and drinks. My sweet friends also brought me the prettiest birthday cake I've ever got, a real piñata cake! It was a really nice evening and afterwards we ended up in Noras garden having beer and talking about all sorts of things. I'm very happy to be around such great people here, they are all very warm, funny and generous persons. Today the celebration will continue, we are having another birthday cake with my family. I think I really could get used to these honduran birthday celebrations.

Public and private space

I'm walking alone on the streets of Tegucigalpa every day. 
In the position of being a woman, every day I get observed, measured, put in a category and made into an object. This happens to me wherever I am, be it in the streets of Stockholm or Tegucigalpa. But the experience is not entirely the same. I feel exposed and I feel a little unsafe, but most of all, I feel as if the street does not belong to me, as if I'm intruding. 

The public space is the mans space, and here I can feel it, it becomes something physical, something in the air. I do not belong on the street, I'm on the mans territory. I sometimes find myself feeling as if I want to shrink, get back inside as soon as possible. 
Outside, it seems like the men are everywhere, working, hanging out, it's their space. The women are mostly just passing by, moving from one private sphere to another. 
I have to tell myself, while walking, that the streets belongs to me just as much as they belong to those guys standing there, watching me. 

This idea of masculine and feminine, public and private, is something that I have read about and studied, and associated to in a mostly theoretical manner, but I have never experienced it as strongly and in such a concrete way as here.